{"id":513,"date":"2013-01-04T21:32:50","date_gmt":"2013-01-04T21:32:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/aig.alumni.virginia.edu\/serpentine\/?p=513"},"modified":"2021-05-27T10:06:06","modified_gmt":"2021-05-27T14:06:06","slug":"will-trinkle-october-20-1012","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aig.uvaalumni.org\/qva\/will-trinkle-october-20-1012\/","title":{"rendered":"Will Trinkle – October 20, 1012"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Will
Will Trinkle
October 20, 2012<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Will Trinkle Remarks<\/h2>\n

Bernard D. Mayes Award
\n2012 Award Winner – October 20, 2012<\/h3>\n

This is truly an honor, and I\u2019m humbled by it. Thank you Serpentine Society and thank you dear<\/span> old UVA – yes, where all is bright and gay!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t be more proud of my alma mater than I am right now<\/p>\n

My family has a long history at UVA:<\/p>\n

My grandfather, E. Lee Trinkle, the former Governor of VA, graduated from the law school in 1898.<\/p>\n

My father, Jimmy Trinkle, graduated from the law school in 1953, was president of the Alumni Association and was appointed to the Board of Visitors, first by Governor Robb, then by Governor Wilder, serving eight years.<\/p>\n

My younger brother Dave also graduated from Virginia.<\/p>\n

I graduated from the College in 1980, with a BA in Communication Studies; was an officer in my fraternity, St. Elmo Hall; and I was a Big Brother volunteer at Big Brothers\/Big Sisters for each of my four years.<\/p>\n

Funny how life changes, and who\u2019d a thunk, but here I am, an out gay man, of a certain age, with a wonderful partner Juan and a 2 \u00bd year old son Oliver \u2013 or, what I like to call\u2026\u201da family\u201d. And being honored for doing what we all do every day \u2013 standing up, being out, living our lives, making no apologies\u2026and taking no less than equal. \u00a0So, this is our \u201cNew Normal\u201d.\u00a0 And one made possible by all who came before.\u00a0 Bernard Mayes, I am particularly honored to have this award with your name on it.\u00a0 Your story inspires me and I will always cherish this.<\/p>\n

Tonight\u2019s gala is called \u201cThe Courage to Fight \u2013 The Power to Inspire\u201d.\u00a0 These are powerful and appropriate words for all of us here and for the entire LGBT community.\u00a0 We each, by being out and being who we are, have courage, and truly inspire those around us and those to come. \u00a0For Juan and me, the courage to fight this fight came from a basic instinct that this was so wrong \u2013 to harm a two year old child as a channel for hate \u2013 and was, though very difficult, also very easy; sometimes you can and sometimes you can\u2019t; we could and we did.<\/p>\n

As for the second part \u2013 \u201cthe power to inspire\u201d , that\u2019s the icing on the cake of knowing you are doing the right thing and following your internal compass, no matter what anyone else tells you.<\/p>\n

As much as I loved Virginia, I got in my car, the day after graduation and moved to NY; I had a comfortable life in VA, or so it would seem, but I knew I had to get away, to get out (probably not unlike many of you here tonight). \u00a0At 22 years old, with a southern accent and a dog named Bazle, what wasn\u2019t to like about NYC in 1980. It was liberating, exciting, anything was possible. I was enjoying openness and acceptance, and making life-long friends \u2013 a life I\u2019d only hoped and imagined was possible.\u00a0 Then, as quick as it all was happening, a few years later, it all changed overnight with the advent of the HIV\/AIDS pandemic. Instead of fun dinners and more fun clubs, my friends and I were arranging schedules and flow charts to cover care for our sick friends at home and in hospitals.\u00a0 The well friends had to rally to care for our sick friends; we had to make sure everyone had someone to feed them, to clean them, comfort them, demand medicine and care, then usually administer it ourselves.\u00a0 Boy, we could have used Excel back then!\u00a0 But it got done, we took care of ourselves, we became family, and often, sadly, filled in for the families who chose not to be there; it was not an unusual situation in the 1980s that families first found out their sons were gay when they found out they were sick.\u00a0 7 of my 10 best friends all died within 8 months of each other.\u00a0 For those of us left, we spent the years working for change; raising money and voices. I started a group with friends called New York Forward Action, to fund start ups we felt important.\u00a0 I volunteered for God\u2019s Love We Deliver, feeding those homebound by AIDS and served on GLAAD\u2019s national board, among others. For me, many years ago, I saw politics and the political system as a place I could make a difference; an important part of our movement, in that winning legal protections were key.\u00a0 Our community needed to change hearts, minds and<\/i> laws.\u00a0 I got involved with the Empire State Pride Agenda, eventually joining and co-chairing the Foundation board, to educate and advocate on LGBT issues in New York and chairing the political board, to effect change there politically. We won marriage in NY, but it was a long road; the longest part, it seemed at the time, was making the case and winning the argument within our own community that Marriage \u2013 not Civil Unions \u2013 was the fight we had to fight. It was an awe inspiring experience \u2013 from years of work with amazing people – to finally walking down Fifth Avenue in June of last year celebrating winning marriage equality in NY, with Gov Cuomo, Mayor Bloomberg, Speaker Christine Quinn and our then 1 year old son.\u00a0 We must win equality everywhere in our lives if we are going to survive, and thrive.\u00a0 Being second class citizens held us back when we got sick, we can\u2019t let that happen again – all our families count.<\/p>\n

I have also served as an out gay man on many non-LGBTQ non-profit boards as well. I was the first out gay man appointed to a state commission in Virginia \u2013 by then Governor, now Senator Mark Warner – on the Virginia Commission for the Arts; I\u2019m also in my 12th<\/sup> years as a trustee at Hollins University, where ten years ago we proudly and unanimously self-funded same sex partner benefits, because VA law would not let us add these to our policy, and where we are about to adopt an updated and very progressive trans policy.<\/p>\n

SOOOO, ON TO WHY I\u2019M HERE TONIGHT.<\/p>\n

WHAT A SUMMER WE HAD\u2026OR DIDN\u2019T, DEPENDING HOW YOU LOOK AT IT!<\/p>\n

However you cut it, it was intense.\u00a0 And when it was getting really difficult for my family, when we didn\u2019t feel safe and the police were staked out at our house protecting us 24\/7, I did something I rarely do\u2026I checked my facebook page.\u00a0 And there was a message from Sean Kennedy, informing me that you all at the Serpentine Society \u2013 UVA, my alma mater \u2013 were honoring me for taking this stand (and a few others in my life). I read it to Juan and we both just cried.\u00a0 It is truly a moment we will never forget and one of such huge support at a time that was dark for us; it came when we really needed it.<\/p>\n

We took on a big bully this summer \u2013 Roanoke\u2019s largest employer.\u00a0 Most of you know the story, but to fill those in who don\u2019t, Carilion Clinic is SW VA\u2019s largest healthcare system.\u00a0 They own and operate an athletic club, the RAC \u2013 sounds totally gay, right? – which also happens to have a nice outdoor pool and swimming lessons for kids.\u00a0 They sold us a family membership, took the initiation fee and the first month\u2019s membership fees, then two weeks later, called and revoked our membership, citing a nonexistent Virginia law on the definition of a family.\u00a0 It\u2019s the same hospital system where my brother works, and whose CEO \u2013 the first woman to ever hold this position \u2013 knows both me and my family.\u00a0 I reached out to her, and she replied, again quoting this bogus state law as justification for their actions, then having her V.P. call me to tell me that they would not change their stance and that not only was my family not welcome, but they were going to \u201ctighten up policies so no people like you, will get as far as you did\u201d.\u00a0 To say I was stunned, is an understatement.\u00a0 We belong to some nice clubs, all of which genuinely welcome our family; this was just a pool and a gym.\u00a0 We then sued them for breach of contract and violating the Virginia Consumer Protection Act.\u00a0 Juan and I both felt we had to take action; if they treat us this way at their gym, how will they treat us in their Emergency Rooms? Scary stuff.<\/p>\n

As we made the lead story on all four networks (well, four if you count Fox) that night, Juan and I prepared to leave for Richmond the next morning with Oliver, to attend a First Families of Virginia reunion, at the Executive Mansion.\u00a0 To say being welcomed and celebrated as a family, by the highest office holder in the Commonwealth that night was a surreal moment is an understatement.\u00a0 As were the next few days and weeks: The Derecho, tornados, massive power outages and 104 degree weather notwithstanding, we got our family out of the state fairly quickly.<\/p>\n

Our dear friend David Mixner wisely exposed the truth, when he wrote in his blog about kicking a two-year old out of a pool because of who his parents are.\u00a0 As things heated up in the media about our story \u2013 99% supportive, 1% scary – a man we didn\u2019t know, who is originally from Roanoke, named Mark Lyn Ferguson, saw an injustice and took action against it, starting a change.org petition. It was one of the fastest growing in their history: in one day it jumped from 40,000 signers to 100,000; it hit 200,000 on July 11th.\u00a0 And with every signature, an email went to the CEO of Carilion.\u00a0 While we were in Maine trying to have a family vacation, our story went viral.\u00a0 Our pictures were on the opening page on Yahoo, we were the subject of facebook and website dialogues.\u00a0 Then on July 5th, we were doing interviews with ABC, the AP, NPR, and were preparing to go live the next day on GMA and CNN.\u00a0 We were an hour away from Skyping live on Dianne Sawyer, when Carilion and the RAC caved under the pressure and posted a policy change to their facebook page. We won a huge victory, for ourselves and for many families – now and to come. Sadly, Carilion Clinic and the RAC chose to go down fighting, and rather than just say \u201cAll families are welcome\u201d, they instead did away with all family memberships and created something called Household memberships.\u00a0 As a result, we haven\u2019t dropped our suit.\u00a0 We\u2019d hoped to have a positive resolution by tonight, but we don\u2019t yet.\u00a0 Our goal \u2013 and it is within reach – is to persuade Carilion Clinic to be a better corporate and community citizen, with best practices in place for LGBT employees and clients, and for all types of diversity.\u00a0 We\u2019ve kept the pressure on, and will continue to\u2026so stay tuned.<\/p>\n

When I get frustrated that we sometimes have to fight so hard, that equal isn\u2019t automatic, I remember where we\u2019ve come and how much better life is for so many, including my family.\u00a0 When I was at Virginia, one of your board members, Bob Elkins, was in the news.\u00a0 He was an RA in Hancock, and it came out in the press that he was gay \u2013 it was called the press back then, not the media. He didn\u2019t shy away from it, but instead owned it and stood tall. I can\u2019t imagine what that stress was in those days for him, but not only did he stand up to the negative press and the calls for him to resign, a magical thing happened\u2026 students on his hall stepped up to his defense as a good advisor and a good man.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t out, but Bob, please know you inspired me; you made a positive difference on my life, by being who you are and standing up, because you were given the situation, and you did. It gives me great pride that 30 some odd years later I get to say thank you here in person.<\/p>\n

Bottom line: when something like this happens: IF YOU CAN<\/i> STAND UP, DO<\/b>.\u00a0 IF YOU CAN <\/i>SPEAK OUT, DO<\/b>.<\/p>\n

Thank you to The Serpentine Society, Bernard Mayes, The Alumni Association and all of you, for making The University \u2013 and this world – a better place; for standing up and speaking out; for the courage to fight and the power to inspire.<\/p>\n[Thank you for supporting my family, and again, thank you so much for this honor!]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Will Trinkle Remarks Bernard D. Mayes Award 2012 Award Winner – October 20, 2012 This is truly an honor, and I\u2019m humbled by it. Thank you Serpentine Society and thank you dear old UVA – yes, where all is bright and gay!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t be more proud of my alma mater than I am right […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-513","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-speeches"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWill Trinkle - October 20, 1012 - QVA<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/aig.uvaalumni.org\/qva\/will-trinkle-october-20-1012\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"11 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/aig.uvaalumni.org\\\/qva\\\/will-trinkle-october-20-1012\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/aig.uvaalumni.org\\\/qva\\\/will-trinkle-october-20-1012\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"\",\"@id\":\"\"},\"headline\":\"Will Trinkle – October 20, 1012\",\"datePublished\":\"2013-01-04T21:32:50+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-05-27T14:06:06+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/aig.uvaalumni.org\\\/qva\\\/will-trinkle-october-20-1012\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":2136,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/aig.uvaalumni.org\\\/qva\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/aig.uvaalumni.org\\\/qva\\\/will-trinkle-october-20-1012\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/aig.uvaalumni.org\\\/qva\\\/files\\\/speech_will_trinkle.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Speeches\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/aig.uvaalumni.org\\\/qva\\\/will-trinkle-october-20-1012\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/aig.uvaalumni.org\\\/qva\\\/will-trinkle-october-20-1012\\\/\",\"name\":\"Will Trinkle - 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