{"id":158,"date":"2017-10-26T11:31:23","date_gmt":"2017-10-26T15:31:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/aig.alumni.virginia.edu\/dearaapaan\/?p=158"},"modified":"2026-09-04T10:56:58","modified_gmt":"2026-09-04T14:56:58","slug":"supervisor-hinted-might-offer-international-assignment-kinda-like-therell-strong-spousal-conflicts-spouse-career-track-well-seems-unlikely","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aig.uvaalumni.org\/dearaapaan\/2017\/10\/26\/supervisor-hinted-might-offer-international-assignment-kinda-like-therell-strong-spousal-conflicts-spouse-career-track-well-seems-unlikely\/","title":{"rendered":"My supervisor hinted that they might offer me an international assignment&#8230;.  I kinda like it but there&#8217;ll be some strong spousal conflicts."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Dear AAPAAN &#8211; My supervisor hinted that they might offer me an international assignment.\u00a0 I kinda like it but there&#8217;ll be some strong spousal conflicts.\u00a0 My spouse is on a career track as well and it seems unlikely he can get a comparable job in that country.\u00a0 I&#8217;m torn about turning down such an opportunity but on the other hand, I&#8217;m worried about the potential consequences for my marriage&#8230;.\u00a0 Anonymous<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Dear Anonymous<\/p>\n<p>This is a very personal choice and I will answer it from my own perspective. it\u2019s also related to your value towards family and work and how you make choices based on different life stage. Generally speaking, you need to work with your\u00a0spouse\u00a0and optimize the outcome for the whole family.<\/p>\n<p>Both my husband and I are working and we both have career aspirations after Darden MBA. But when I face\u00a0a\u00a0multiple offers decision after graduation, I need to compromise and turn down my ideal job to choose over location so that I can be closer to my husband within a commutable distance. At that time (6 years ago), I talked it over with my husband and my husband knew my sacrifice for the family. Although I didn\u2019t get my ideal job and location, it turned out to be fine and I got most out of it. After two years (4 years ago), we faced another career \/ family challenge and this time, my husband made the sacrifice and gave up his promising career at his old company and moved to my city so that we can build\u00a0a\u00a0family together in the same location. After another four years (which is now), he enjoys his work and has a very good career track with his current company and we expanded\u00a0the family with two kids and are very happy with our decisions when looking back.<\/p>\n<p>There are several takeaways I want to share with you and hope it will help you make your own decision:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Any healthy and long lasting marriage is a give-and-take relationship. There\u2019s never a one way love to bond two people. So when you and your\u00a0spouse\u00a0think about family\/career conflict, you both need to take turns for the family. You both need to be very open-minded and share thoughts and find a common ground to maximize the outcome for the family, not just best for one person.<\/li>\n<li>When you look at your career development or progression, there are good moves and bad moves, if you see the long term of 30 \u2013 40 years of your career, this one single move won\u2019t hurt\/benefit much of your career in the long run. You will get there eventually. In addition, career advancement needs more: timing, market\/business\/industry trend, good boss, strong sponsor, supported team etc. are all playing an important part. A hint of an international assignment is never a good enough reason to guarantee a career advancement. You need to understand more to see if it\u2019s a right\/good move for you at that moment.<\/li>\n<li>This one is specific for career women, especially when you plan to expand your family and have kids in the near future. To be honest, I was at my best mode when I was pregnant, because I wanted to prove that the pregnancy wouldn\u2019t impact my capability at work. But no matter how hard I tried\/did, people still had perceptions and wouldn\u2019t let me take more responsibilities or take new challenging roles because they thought I need more time at home and will be less flexible with\u00a0a\u00a0young baby. Perception is\u00a0reality. You need to also take it into consideration when you are facing work\/family conflict at your life stage of planning to expand your family. If that\u2019s gonna happen in your case, taking\u00a0a pause or slow-down is not always a bad choice and sometimes it gives you more time to think strategically about the long-term for your work and the family.<\/li>\n<li>There\u2019s always a silver lining on every difficult situation. If you think about it in a different way, you will have a different perspective. When you look back, it\u2019s not always bad\/or compromised decision. My husband always joked with me that if he stayed in his old company, he will probably not better off with his work and family. Because after he left, the company was merged with another company and most of his previous sponsors and supervisors either left the company or laid off due to organizational restructure.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>I want to use Steve Jobs\u2019 speech at Stanford to close this topic: \u201cYou can\u2019t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something \u2014 your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Give us have your thoughts or further questions &#8230; Kirstie<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dear AAPAAN &#8211; My supervisor hinted that they might offer me an international assignment.\u00a0 I kinda like it but there&#8217;ll be some strong spousal conflicts.\u00a0 My spouse is on a career track as well and it seems unlikely he can get a comparable job in that country.\u00a0 I&#8217;m torn about turning down such an opportunity [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":95,"featured_media":159,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>My supervisor hinted that they might offer me an international assignment.... 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